Stop. Collaborate. And Listen

Buying a home is exciting. It’s also hella frustrating.

Buying a home is exciting. It’s also hella frustrating.

It requires way more effort than anyone anticipates. You’re spending hundreds of thousands of dollars, so it makes sense that it takes more gumption than walking into HMV, taking a tape off the shelf, paying with your allowance, and popping it into your walkman.

I see this scenario all the time:

You’ve done everything right. We met for coffee. We discussed your must haves, your make you happy’s, and your brick walls. You’re on an auto email search. You’re determined to find the perfect home. Anything less than the best is a felony.

Now we’ve seen a handful of homes that enticed you with great pictures online. But in real life, they’ve all been dives. They’re not A1A Beachfront Avenue, that’s fo sho.

You’ve watched The Vanilla Ice Project, but you’re still not handy enough to fix enormous holes in walls. You never knew that the smell combination of weed and wet cats makes you nauseous. Neighbours with binoculars looking into the living room weren’t on your original brick wall list, but it is now. (I ain’t playin’, I’ve seen that)

Originally you thought ‘better hit bull’s eye, the kid don’t play.’ Now you’re starting to doubt this home ownership thing. You actually tell yourself ‘’Will my home search ever stop? Yo, I don’t know. If this is all I can afford then ‘turn off the lights, and I’ll glow in this rental forever.’”

We always know you’ve reached this point because we get an email with some variation of…

“I was talking to my hairdresser while getting three lines shaved in the side of my head and she had some great ideas…”

When things aren’t going well you can always rely on Vanilla Ice for solid advice.

You’re killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom.

But if there was a problem, yo, we’ll solve it. We’re going to take heed Vanilla’s advice:

Stop. Collaborate. And Listen.

Yo, VIP, let’s kick it.

Stop.

When you start feeling a little insane in the membrane, don’t jump around. Seriously, ya’ll gonna make me lose of mind up in here, up in here. Turn off all the other 90s rap in your head. No more showings. Stop looking at homes online. Stop the negative thoughts. Stop listening to everyone else’s schemes and scams.

Focus on the end game. You started looking for a new home for very good reasons. Focus on those reasons. You want to build equity instead of paying your landlord’s mortgage. You want to put down roots and get involved in the community. The list goes on and on. Focus on that.

Collaborate.

I’m coming over. I’m bringing a computer. I’m sitting on your couch for 45 minutes. You can even leave TLC on. Let’s reevaluate what’s important. Let’s make adjustments.

When we first sat down for coffee you gave us a list of what’s important. Now that we’ve looked at homes, is it still still the same? What can we add? Or take away? Slice like a ninja, cut like a razor blade.

Vanilla once had three lines shaved into the side of his head. then he changed to two lines. Now he seems to always wear a hat and swing a hammer. You can make adjustments too. Let’s explore the possibility of different neighbourhoods. Let’s look at your budget, how would an extra $25,000 impact your monthly payment. Is that a sacrifice you’re willing to make?

Listen.

Now I’m on a mic like a vandal. Making people extraordinarily happy is what I do all damn day. I know this city. I know this market. Most importantly, I’m honest.

I know you love Beachfront Avenue. You like that the girls wear less than bikinis and the neighbours all drive Lamborghinis. But the gun shots ring out like a bell. That’s bad for resale. But also, it’s not within your budget. So what are the options in your budget? What if you moved a little further from the beach? What if you delayed your search to build a bigger down payment.

Maybe exactly what you’re looking for does exist, but we just need to wait for it to come on the market. Maybe you just need to speak with a good contractor — my boy Vanilla…

You know that relaxed feeling you get when Ice Ice Baby fades away? Like you’re glad it’s over but you just have to push repeat and keep the party going. That’s how you’ll feel when we’re rapping up. We’ll rap about when you can view more homes with the new plan we just created. Now we’re focused. You have a clearer picture now of the houses you’ll move into and fill with memories.

Peace out. Word to your mother.

Originally published at foatandassociates.com.